Welcome

Garrett Douglas Wells Arnold was born on October 22 at 10:16. He weighed 7.5 pounds and measured 20 inches long. Active labor was smooth, lasting under two hours! He's home now and we're all adjusting, especially Gracie! She's proud as can be but still learning her boundaries. It's been a busy but blissful time!

The Home Stretch

We had an ultra sound this morning. Garrett Douglas is estimated to be between 5.2 and 5.12 pounds. He wouldn't cooperate for measurements on his length but the technician feels that the measurements she did get are still consistent with his due date which means as of tomorrow i'm 36 weeks and considered full term! Given all that I have been through in this pregnancy I am amazed and so incredibly thankful to have gotten this far. It's been a long and worriseome road but along it I have gathered insight into my boys personality. For instance, I know that he is stubborn and a fighter. Given the personality of his sister I suppose this should have come as no surprise. I am so excited to meet my son and can't believe that it could be any day now!

Pre School

On August 16th, 2006 I learned I was pregnant with Gracie. That day marks the start of what has been the most significant and defining journey of my life. Through mothering my little girl I have discovered a greater sense of purpose then I ever imagined finding for myself, and I have experienced a peace of mind incomparable to anything I'd ever felt before her.

Today, Gracie started pre-school. What a fitting month to begin an educational journey that I hope carries her to wonderful things. Though, growing up I never imagined being a parent as all I wanted my future to be I now know that it was exactly what I was meant to do and I hope that fifteen or twenty years from now, whatever career Gracyn decides to persue leaves her feeling every bit as fullfilled as I do everyday.

All the luck in the world to my Gracie girl.

A Valid Point

When I pass a person begging I generally offer them a granola bar or some other snack item. Given that we live in the downtown area Gracie sees me doing this a lot. Each time she asks why I do it I say something like "because they don't have money to buy food" or "because they don't have a house with a kitchen like you and I" and that's the end of it. Gracie drops the subject. I don't sugarcoat Gracie's surroundings but I don't elaborate on them either. Anyways, when we stopped for gas and coffee before gymnastics on Tuesday one of the local bums (a fellow who sits under the overpass drinking all day) approached me and asked for money. Truthfully, somewhat disgusted by his behavior (and having nothing but my coffee in hand ) I simply said "no" and got back in the car. As I buckled up a concerned Gracie said "mommy, you didn't give that man a granola bar..." To which I said "I know, I didn't have one..." To which a still concerned Gracie said "but he doesn't have any money..." To which (with exasperation) I retorted that's because he drank it all..." To which an innocent Gracie said "and that's why he's hungry!"

I love life from the eyes of my sweet three year old :)

A New House

After about a month of looking we finally found a house. It’s got three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a fenced in yard like we wanted. It’s located in a nice neighborhood and is about a quarter of a mile away from the park where Brian and I got married. Overall I’d say it was a good find and I can’t wait to get settled in! Packing up this place and moving there however is definitely another story. I just haven’t found the motivation it’s going to take to do that yet. After nearly three years in our current apartment a lot of stuff has accumulated and the thought of sorting through and packing all of it overwhelms me. There’s just too much! I tried to break it down into smaller, more manageable lists today and right now my plan is to move through the house room to room packing all of the similar items. My goal for this week is to pack most of the books (I’ll have to leave 10 or so of Gracie’s out), and all of the movies and CD’s and to sort through our storage cage in the basement which contains Gracie’s old baby things. I have a feeling I’ll be making several trips to Goodwill! On a more positive note, we aren’t moving until the first week of September so I’ve got some time to pace myself. The trick is just going to be convincing myself to use it. It’s summer time, meaning it's nice out and there are so many things I’d rather be doing so we’ll see how it goes. Hopefully I can find a nice balance between getting this place packed up and giving Gracie the best last summer as an only child that I can.

A Moment Like Thus

Brian and I celebrated our marriage with our friends and family on Sunday, June 20th. It was every bit as amazing and special as I ever dreamed my wedding would be. Together we make a beautiful family and it was wonderful being able to celebrate that with the people who matter to us most.

Big News

Even better news? The placenta has shifted entirely. It is now sitting just where one would expect it to be. Barring anymore unforseen circumstances I will be having a healthy little boy, and I can have him naturally as planned!

So long bedrest, thanks for fixing the problem!

Baby Update

Three weeks from my wedding and still officially on bed rest, it's a bit nerve wrecking. My OB says the baby has a strong heart beat and is doing well though, so that's reassuring. I have an ultrasound on the 8th. The doctor should be able to better assess the degree of the previa at that time and possibly lift my bed rest restrictions. I'm certainly hoping so! Brian and I will also (assuming the baby cooperates)get to learn what we're having at that time. I absolutely can't wait to have these answers. The OB is working with me. Bedrest is modified. I can venture out occasionally, I'm just wheelchair bound. I went and tried my wedding dress on yesterday. It was a huge relief to learn it still fits! So far the wedding and reception are still a go. The honeymoon unfortunately is questionable.



Gracie and baby.

Hope

I woke up early Thursday morning to find I was bleeding. I yelled for Brian to wake up and take me to the hospital. We called my sister to keep Gracie. She got here in thirteen minutes. Thirteen minutes has never felt so long. The emergency department performed an ultra sound. It revealed the baby had a heartbeat! I felt momentary relief. Then they told me there was a pool of blood around it. With that news they sent us home to follow up with our OB later that day. When the OB got us in she diagnosed the condition as "placenta previa." It's where the placenta grows over the cervix. It's unusual for it to show up this early in pregnancy, and impossible to gage the severity of. For now, I'm home on total bedrest for the next two weeks. When that's up I'll go back the OB and see if the placenta has shifted. At that time she'll try and diagnose the degreee of the condition. It could be partial, moderate, or complete. Given the presence of blood in the uterus already it's likely to be moderate or severe. If by chance though it's partial I'll be allowed to return to life as usual. Otherwise, it's more bed rest and hoping to keep the baby inside me and growing as long as possible. My body could give way as early as 26 weeks, or as late as 36. Every day closer to 36 the baby can stay inside the healthier it will be. When the baby does decide to come it will be taken by c-section. While I know this is to prevent me from hemoraging and protect the health of both myself and the baby it terrifies me. I'm frustrating and wishing I knew why my body had failed?

The End of The Line

My maternal Grandfather was killed by a drunk driver before I was born. Though I have nothing but respect and admiration for the man, he's never filled the role of "grandpa" in my life. That role was filled by my grandmother's companion of 21 years, Jim Kerr. For as long as I can remember, Birthday and Christmas cards arrived signed "Gram and Jim" and when we'd visit every couple of summers he'd take us out for breakfast, and proudly introduce us to anybody who would listen as "his grandkids."

Jim was as backwoods as they come. He probably smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day. He said aint and y'all and often left the last letter off of the end of his words. He was a career truck driver, and loved few things more then fishin'. Jim was nothing like the rest of my family. Growing up we had so few things in common, it was hard for me to bond with him. What I wasn't able to appreciate as a child but certainly do now, is that for 21 years Jim sincerely loved and took care of my Grandmother. He doted on her, doing whatever he could to make her happy. He wasn't what I was used to being around but he was a wonderful man.

Now, sadly, the cigarettes and hazardous chemicals he was exposed to in his truck have caught up with him. In November he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Earlier this month his care was turned over to hospice. Their nurses didn't think he'd last through this past weekend. He's still hanging on though. Fighting to see the completion of the garden he promised my grandmother they'd have this spring. It's a work in progress, but not too far from being done. He's in and out of consciousness, bed ridden, and has no vision but keeps telling my Mom and Grandmother "it's going to be so beautiful." If heaven is anything like I think and hope it is, his will be a garden, with a windmill at the entrance.

Happy Third Birthday

Three years ago this morning I first held my newborn baby girl. Looking down at the baby in my arms I remember being filled with pride and wonder. I counted her fingers and toes, stroked her cheeks, and couldn't believe I had created something so perfect. Looking at Gracie this morning, as she fell into my arms for a big birthday hug, I felt those same things again. Though no longer a baby, her bright smile and sincere embrace left my heart filled with pride and my mind wondering how I had created something so perfect. To me, it doesn't feel like three years has gone by, but when I look at the sweet, independent little girl Gracie has become I can't believe the change and growth that has taken place within her in that short span of time. From a baby, to my friend I can't believe how fast my little girl has grown.

Celebrating Three Amazing Years. at OneTrueMedia.com

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Closure

Gracyn and I have returned from Colorado. A better then 24 hour delay aside, we had a nice trip. Gracie got to see her Dad, and I got to visit with my friend Elyse, do some shopping and see how much her girls had grown. All nice things!

This visit I experienced something I hadn't before though, closure.
John and I have improved our relationship tremendously in two years time. We both realize we've made mistakes, and by this point we've both owned up to and apologized for them. Time and time again I've said all is forgiven and I'm over the heart ache, but now, in addition to that I see what it's all been for.

Looking at Gracie I see a beautiful and brilliant little girl. I see a sweet child who I know will grow into a capable adult, one who without question will leave a positive mark upon this world. Above all, I see the best of John and I. I see that our personalities and appearances blended to make her and she is the most perfect thing that I have ever seen. While I love Brian with all my heart I don't regret a moment of what John and I ever went through because for it we have a beautiful little girl. He and I were never meant to be anything, Gracyn however was meant to be and change everything.

It's a good feeling to know he now sees things this way too. What he thought would totally turn our worlds upside down, instead totally changed mine around and I could never feel anything but gratitude towards him for that. I like the place in things we're at, and the understanding of each other we have grown to have.

Welcome Scout!

I come from what some would consider to be a "big family." All together there were six of us. Mom and Dad, then us four kids. My little sisters are three and five years younger then I, and my brother and I are are 20 months apart. Though my relationshps with each of them are different in many ways, I consider each of my siblings to be one of my best friends. Though the age gap between my brother, Daniel and youngest sister, Angeleah is nearly seven years it's really never been an issue. Most likely because there has always been two siblings in between to mediate. Growing up my brother and I were inseperable, my middle sister, Catlin followed us, and Angeleah followed her. This resulted in all of us hanging out together, and for the most part getting along. I must have a thousand fond memories of our childhoods together. We were bonded. We did everything together. Though sometimes it was frustrating to realize there was always a sibling watching what you were doing, it was an amazing feeling to know that when push came to shove there'd without a doubt be one standing there behind you. When it comes to Gracie I've always said I have no regrets. This may be an exception. I was young when I had her, and not in a place to have another. I took care of us fine, but I knew with finances and even stress levels I couldn't handle more. Finally, three years later, I am and I hope it's not too late to give her one of the best thing I ever had.

My Gracie Girl

Three years ago I nursed you to sleep. I tucked you into bed beside me. Then, you were my baby.

Two years ago I sang “Gracie” as I rocked you to sleep in my arms. I laid you down in your crib and covered you. I checked back to make sure you were snug and warm. Then, you were my toddler.

Today, with only a few stories and a kiss you climbed into bed on your own. Now you’re my little girl.

After you were fast asleep I covered you up and placed Tang, your beloved stuffed tiger, in your arms. This is because in my heart you’ll always be my baby.

Winter Days

We’ve had a couple snow days this week. Cabin fever kicks in fast when living in a small apartment which makes staying in feel nearly impossible. Still, the opportunity to “take it easy” on account of the weather has been quite nice! We’ve done a lot of cooking and baking. Gracie loves helping out in the kitchen so it’s an excellent way to occupy her. Brian helped her to bake and decorate pink cupcakes one afternoon which I think was the high light of her entire week! She described them using the word “delectable.” Often I wonder where my sweet baby girl has gone and what has shaped the personality of the precious little girl I now see in her place. We’ve had a couple of snow ball fights and made a trip to the golf course to go sledding this week too. Winter is far from my favorite season but this one certainly hasn’t been without its highpoints! Still, I’m ready for summer!

Happily Ever After

Janurary 22nd, 2009
The Wells Arnold Wedding

Welcome 2010

A new year has begun. Strangely enough, it doesn’t feel that way to me. School started back today though, so soon enough I am sure it will. 2009 flew by. I wish I could say I accomplished all I intended to, but who really has that kind of success? What I can say for the previous year though, is despite the hardships and disappointments I faced throughout it, it turned out to be more fulfilling and amazing for me then I ever imagined it would be. Now, this year, as I plan to marry Brian with Gracie by our side, I can’t wait to see what lies ahead! My resolution for this year is simple. Take life day by day. The chaos and stresses of last year has shown me there are so many details beyond my control. With that in mind I hope to live life to it's fullest, be grateful for my job, and enjoy each day with my daughter knowing that as long as I can take care of and provide for her all other aspects of my life will fall into place. This year is going to be great and I'm exctied for all it has in store!