My Wish

I turned on the news this morning and heard confirmation that the remains of a child found in Florida last week was indeed that of missing toddler, Caylee Anthony. I haven't really been following the news related to her case, but each time I hear about it, I am sickened. I don't understand what could cause somebody to kill any child, let alone their own. Worst to me, is the fact that her mother felt so little remorse about what she had done that she could carry on with her life, as if nothing had happened. She went about her day to day activities, with no change. There are pictures of her partying, arrests for her passing bad checks, and report upon report of her going out and laughing with friends. How could she do these things as other people searched, hoping to find a child she knew to be dead. It's disgusting, heartbreaking, and why I am glad I do not always stay up to date with the current news.

I've been reading a book called "Notes Left Behind." It's the story of a 6 year old girl, Elena, who was diagnosed with brain cancer and lived only 135 days. In those days she accomplished more things then I could hope to in a lifetime! Her story is one of hope, told through the eyes of her parents. Knowing their child was terminal, they still remained calm. They didn't desperately seek a cure -- they sought peace, and spent the time they had left with their daughter, helping her achieve a lifetimes worth of dreams. Despite this book keeping me in constant tears, I haven't been able to put it down. To read a positive twist on something so bleak is refreshing. I've seen similar stories first hand over the last two years, none that have ended this happy. What a wonderful tribute on her parents part to Elena's life.

It seems strange to me that two situations, with virtually no connection, both sit equally on my mind. Two sets of strangers, at totally opposite ends of the parenting spectrum, have shaped my primary resolution for the coming year. I want to continue spending all of my time that I can with Gracie, but more then that I want to use that time to make sure she knows how special, and loved she is. Gracie means absolutely everything to me and despite longer work hours beginning this year, and more school then ever before, I want to make sure that she is not short changed. I know these next few months especially will be challanging, but I look foward to making more pink baked goods, and attending as many tea parties as Gracie hosts to make sure that she understands that she is what matters.

Christmas Morning

Early Christmas morning as I was arranging presents under the tree I realized John had yet to send anything for Gracie. He mentioned he was planning to, so I assumed he was just running late. Still it bothered me that there would be gifts from Aunts and Uncles, Gemma and Poppy, Santa and Mommy -- but not Daddy. So I wrestled with it all night before pulling a tag off a Mommy gift later in the morning, and changing it to "from Daddy." I felt dishonest doing it -- but have since justified it to myself by saying he does help to support her. I know at this age it's all pretty irrelavent because she is not going to remember who got her what but it's been sitting heavy on my mind. The last thing I ever want to do is lie to my child and that's what I feel like I have done. It's a lose-lose situation, one way or the other I am forced to let her down.

That issue aside though, Christmas was every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be.

When Gracie woke up she ran to check on the cookies she had left for Santa. What she found instead of some half eaten cookies, was a table full of presents. She screamed "wooooah, look Mama" and ran towards the giant Minnie and Mickey Mouse that Santa had left for her. She was clearly filled with excitement. Both for her new toys and the magic of how they got there. It took a few minutes to steer her away from the presents and into the living room where her stocking was. She went through her stocking, had a cup of milk and some toast, then moved back into the dining room to start on presents. The present opening literally took all day, but only because we stopped each time Gracie got overwhelmed. We'd open a few things, take a break to take them out of their packages, then open some more. We also worked a couple of naps, a shopping trip at Walgreens (just to get out), and a family brunch and dinner into the day. We opened our last presents just before bed. I know it doesn't sound like a traditional Christmas, but it worked out well for us! Next year I'm sure Gracie will want to open all of her presents as fast as she can. This year however, I chose to enjoy one last year of her being too little for that.

In retrospect feel like I went overboard on the gifts. I started off with a reasonable amount of things but at the last minute worried it wasn't enough. I knew this was the first Christmas she would know what was happening and wanted it to be exciting and special for her. I think it was but now I hope to tone it down a bit in the future.

We'll see if I ever succeed with that!

(They weren't all hers -- family gifts were mixed in there!)

The Night Before Christmas (Pictures)

Pink Cookies

Things are almost ready for Christmas around here. I’m sure I’ll come across at least a dozen things I forgot to do before the day is over, but for now, I feel prepared. After staying up until nearly 3:00 this morning wrapping packages and tying bows all the presents are ready to go. They are sitting in four boxes on my kitchen counter with a sheet thrown over them. My Daddy and I will come pick them up after Gracie goes to sleep this evening. Tomorrow, surely first thing, we’ll do Christmas morning at my parent’s house.

Yesterday was spent baking. We made 36 muffins as well as chocolate chip, peanut butter, and oatmeal raisin cookies. I asked Gracie what kind she wanted to leave for Santa. She said “pink cookies.” I explained to her that we didn’t have any, and asked if she thought Santa would like any other kind. She said “noooooo.” When Gracie gets an idea about something, there is no changing her mind. Rather then seeing her disappointed I went to Kroger, and waited in line for damn near an hour to buy a little tube of pink icing and a jar of pink sprinkles. She decorated some sugar cookies with them today, and that’s what Santa will be enjoying tonight.

I can’t wait for tomorrow morning to get here. I’ve worked out every little detail in my head (including a "half time" break for breakfast so she doesn't get overwhelmed) and I can’t wait to see it all play out. Gracie has gotten really into Christmas this year and I know she is going to love all the presents and excitement on Christmas morning!

It's Cold Outside...

It’s cold and snowy here. The roads are an icy mess. It’s perfect stay in with a cup of hot chocolate weather. Accordingly, Gracie and I did very little today. We stayed in our pajamas all morning, watched Mickey Mouse, and made peanut butter play dough. We had to get dressed at noon for a work luncheon, but even that was just downstairs. Afterwards she took a nap, and I wrapped Christmas presents. I’m starting to mind winter less and less with each year that I am in Ohio.

I wrote out Christmas cards this evening, many to extended family. Sometimes it bothers me that I put effort into keeping them involved in our lives, when I know they don’t care. It’s not that they don’t like us; it’s just that we’ve never been close. Before I had children it never bothered me, but now it kind of does. In all fairness, short of sending birthday and holiday cards I don’t strive to do all that much towards keeping in touch either. That’s something I hope turns out different with Gracie. Being that all of my family lives right here and are so close by, I hope she grows up being close with them. I’d never force the issue, but I hope a she gets older, that she chooses to spend time with her Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles.

I love Christmas time. The carols, the smell of baked goods and the decorations always leave me feeling so calm. I like the Christmas cards coming in the mail too. Mail always makes me happy though. I scheduled a night off work for next week; I’m taking Gracie to shop for a name off the angel tree. Afterwards we’ll drive around, drink chocolate milk and hot chocolate and look at Christmas lights. It’s a tradition I really look forward to setting in place. It’s important to me that as Gracie gets older she understands the importance of giving back.

I’m undecided as to next week’s holiday plans. I thought about going to a Christmas Eve service, but I hate to be one of those people who only goes to church once or twice a year. Really, what’s the point? As far as Christmas day goes I’m not sure if it will be spent at home, or with my parents. I'd like to do the Santa thing with just the two of us, but I'm glad my parents want to be involved too. Regardless, as it approaches I’m especially excited because I know Gracie will enjoy opening the gifts this year, even if she is still too young to fully grasp why she gets to do so.

The Nature Of Things

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I put my Christmas tree up this week, and made chocolate chip cookies with Gracie. She poured in the chocolate chips herself, and helped to stir the batter. We sang Christmas carols together, and watched Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. We’ve already taken our Christmas pictures, and I have a stack of cards waiting to be written. We’ve been to holiday parades, and this weekend we will be having breakfast with Santa.

Though the need to write an “I am Thankful for Blog” initially seemed to pass me by, with the start of the holiday season, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude. I have a beautiful little girl to share every moment of such a special time with. One who is happy, and healthy. Given the field I work in that is something I will never take for granted. I have a good job that lets me provide for my daugher, and a life better then two years ago I ever imagined possible. Trying though somedays are, I am thankful for each and every one of them.

My niece is over right now, both girls are still in pajama's. They're rolling about the living room floor, watching The Little Mermaid and rough housing. Story time at Barnes and Noble is in about an hour, I should probably start on getting them ready. It's cold and snowy out today. In this weather going anywhere has become quite a process! Still, we brave it because staying in produces such cranky children!