A Valid Point

When I pass a person begging I generally offer them a granola bar or some other snack item. Given that we live in the downtown area Gracie sees me doing this a lot. Each time she asks why I do it I say something like "because they don't have money to buy food" or "because they don't have a house with a kitchen like you and I" and that's the end of it. Gracie drops the subject. I don't sugarcoat Gracie's surroundings but I don't elaborate on them either. Anyways, when we stopped for gas and coffee before gymnastics on Tuesday one of the local bums (a fellow who sits under the overpass drinking all day) approached me and asked for money. Truthfully, somewhat disgusted by his behavior (and having nothing but my coffee in hand ) I simply said "no" and got back in the car. As I buckled up a concerned Gracie said "mommy, you didn't give that man a granola bar..." To which I said "I know, I didn't have one..." To which a still concerned Gracie said "but he doesn't have any money..." To which (with exasperation) I retorted that's because he drank it all..." To which an innocent Gracie said "and that's why he's hungry!"

I love life from the eyes of my sweet three year old :)

A New House

After about a month of looking we finally found a house. It’s got three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a fenced in yard like we wanted. It’s located in a nice neighborhood and is about a quarter of a mile away from the park where Brian and I got married. Overall I’d say it was a good find and I can’t wait to get settled in! Packing up this place and moving there however is definitely another story. I just haven’t found the motivation it’s going to take to do that yet. After nearly three years in our current apartment a lot of stuff has accumulated and the thought of sorting through and packing all of it overwhelms me. There’s just too much! I tried to break it down into smaller, more manageable lists today and right now my plan is to move through the house room to room packing all of the similar items. My goal for this week is to pack most of the books (I’ll have to leave 10 or so of Gracie’s out), and all of the movies and CD’s and to sort through our storage cage in the basement which contains Gracie’s old baby things. I have a feeling I’ll be making several trips to Goodwill! On a more positive note, we aren’t moving until the first week of September so I’ve got some time to pace myself. The trick is just going to be convincing myself to use it. It’s summer time, meaning it's nice out and there are so many things I’d rather be doing so we’ll see how it goes. Hopefully I can find a nice balance between getting this place packed up and giving Gracie the best last summer as an only child that I can.

A Moment Like Thus

Brian and I celebrated our marriage with our friends and family on Sunday, June 20th. It was every bit as amazing and special as I ever dreamed my wedding would be. Together we make a beautiful family and it was wonderful being able to celebrate that with the people who matter to us most.

Big News

Even better news? The placenta has shifted entirely. It is now sitting just where one would expect it to be. Barring anymore unforseen circumstances I will be having a healthy little boy, and I can have him naturally as planned!

So long bedrest, thanks for fixing the problem!

Baby Update

Three weeks from my wedding and still officially on bed rest, it's a bit nerve wrecking. My OB says the baby has a strong heart beat and is doing well though, so that's reassuring. I have an ultrasound on the 8th. The doctor should be able to better assess the degree of the previa at that time and possibly lift my bed rest restrictions. I'm certainly hoping so! Brian and I will also (assuming the baby cooperates)get to learn what we're having at that time. I absolutely can't wait to have these answers. The OB is working with me. Bedrest is modified. I can venture out occasionally, I'm just wheelchair bound. I went and tried my wedding dress on yesterday. It was a huge relief to learn it still fits! So far the wedding and reception are still a go. The honeymoon unfortunately is questionable.



Gracie and baby.

Hope

I woke up early Thursday morning to find I was bleeding. I yelled for Brian to wake up and take me to the hospital. We called my sister to keep Gracie. She got here in thirteen minutes. Thirteen minutes has never felt so long. The emergency department performed an ultra sound. It revealed the baby had a heartbeat! I felt momentary relief. Then they told me there was a pool of blood around it. With that news they sent us home to follow up with our OB later that day. When the OB got us in she diagnosed the condition as "placenta previa." It's where the placenta grows over the cervix. It's unusual for it to show up this early in pregnancy, and impossible to gage the severity of. For now, I'm home on total bedrest for the next two weeks. When that's up I'll go back the OB and see if the placenta has shifted. At that time she'll try and diagnose the degreee of the condition. It could be partial, moderate, or complete. Given the presence of blood in the uterus already it's likely to be moderate or severe. If by chance though it's partial I'll be allowed to return to life as usual. Otherwise, it's more bed rest and hoping to keep the baby inside me and growing as long as possible. My body could give way as early as 26 weeks, or as late as 36. Every day closer to 36 the baby can stay inside the healthier it will be. When the baby does decide to come it will be taken by c-section. While I know this is to prevent me from hemoraging and protect the health of both myself and the baby it terrifies me. I'm frustrating and wishing I knew why my body had failed?

The End of The Line

My maternal Grandfather was killed by a drunk driver before I was born. Though I have nothing but respect and admiration for the man, he's never filled the role of "grandpa" in my life. That role was filled by my grandmother's companion of 21 years, Jim Kerr. For as long as I can remember, Birthday and Christmas cards arrived signed "Gram and Jim" and when we'd visit every couple of summers he'd take us out for breakfast, and proudly introduce us to anybody who would listen as "his grandkids."

Jim was as backwoods as they come. He probably smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day. He said aint and y'all and often left the last letter off of the end of his words. He was a career truck driver, and loved few things more then fishin'. Jim was nothing like the rest of my family. Growing up we had so few things in common, it was hard for me to bond with him. What I wasn't able to appreciate as a child but certainly do now, is that for 21 years Jim sincerely loved and took care of my Grandmother. He doted on her, doing whatever he could to make her happy. He wasn't what I was used to being around but he was a wonderful man.

Now, sadly, the cigarettes and hazardous chemicals he was exposed to in his truck have caught up with him. In November he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Earlier this month his care was turned over to hospice. Their nurses didn't think he'd last through this past weekend. He's still hanging on though. Fighting to see the completion of the garden he promised my grandmother they'd have this spring. It's a work in progress, but not too far from being done. He's in and out of consciousness, bed ridden, and has no vision but keeps telling my Mom and Grandmother "it's going to be so beautiful." If heaven is anything like I think and hope it is, his will be a garden, with a windmill at the entrance.