Spring Time

As holidays draw near, or stress intensifies, I generally find myself writing here.
I’m late on both counts – life has been crazy.

Mom was released from the hospital Saturday after a nearly two week stay for a cosmetic procedure that was supposed to be “same day.” Things with my mom are never that simple. She had complications with blood loss and infection. Despite being home now, she still requires a lot of care. She has a PIC line in her and receives IV antibiotics through it twice a day. Thank god for home health care – the nurses are a god send! The nurses have also reshaped Gracie’s career goals. My child, who previously wanted to be a doughnut, has now settled on a future career as a nurse. She practices on her baby dolls and reports that through her stethoscope she hears their hearts go “muah muah muah [kissing noises]”

Easter was Sunday. Gracie loved it. She was all about the Easter Bunny! Her video from Easter morning can be found here. Sunday afternoon Gracie went to an Easter Egg hunt at Young’s Dairy. The place was a mad house, but she had a competitive edge. All of my siblings were out there with her. Auntie Angeleah and Auntie Catlin both grabbed a Gracie arm and “flew” her through the masses of kids to the center of the field where she gathered eggs. At the end, Gracie shared her eggs with another little girl who hadn’t gotten any and made her way into the Springfield newspaper.

Better Then an Update...

Gracie's Second Year... So Far.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I thought wrong.

When I was pregnant John and I agreed we'd wait until Gracie was old enough to make the decision herself before pericing her ears. It made sense at the time but lately I'd been thinking it would make more sense to do it now, while she's younger, because she wouldn't be so afraid. It's been on my mind -- but I didn't plan to act on it.

I went to the mall today to redeem Gymbucks, and return a pair of pants at Children's Place. Children's Place is across from Claire's. I ended up walking in there on a whim, and asking Gracie if she wanted pretty earrings. She agreed and hopped right up in the chair. I checked to make sure everything was sterile and signed the paperwork. The employee went to put the dots on Gracie's ears and she FLIPPED. She was screaming "stop, mommmy -- noooo!" So I took her down, got her calm, and sat in the chair with her. Again as soon as the lady got close, she flipped. I asked the lady to stop. I was still in the chair, holding her in my arms cuddling when some lady on her way out said "that's horrible you know." I stared for a moment and said "excuse me?" She said "what you're doing to that little girl is horrible" I took a deep breath and said "I don't think I asked what you thought." She said "well someone needed to tell you." So having already tried to take the high road with the self righteous bitch once I responded with "and so is dressing your child like the wal mart clearance rack..." She then stormed off.

Gracie's ears didn't get periced. I wasn't going to do something that she was clearly afraid of. But we sat in the chair until the crazy lady and her sorry looking offspring were long out of sight.

We'll try again in a few years.

Here we go, Again.

Over the summer my car got broken into twice. A couple of guests staying here also had their cars broken into, as did nuemerous hospital employees from across the street. Last fall the person responsible for all the break-in's was prosecuted and went to jail. We didn't have a single problem after that! He got out December 31st. Monday morning I woke up to find this:

The person who broke into my car, broke into 3 others the same night. He's currently back in jail -- but won't be for long. Despite having him on camera commiting the crime, all the police could pick him up for was recieving stolen properrty.

What property you might wonder?
Well, at least that part of the story is kind of funny.

For Christmas Gracie got a customized CD from a kiosk in the mall. It came in a pink sparkly case, and had "Graciebelle" printed on the actual CD.On the CD was 16 songs, each with Gracie's name inserted a couple of times through out them. The CD was found in a trash can at the residence where the bastard who stole my stuff lives. He claims it was his brother who took it. The police were unable to get a warrant because it was his Mom's house, but if they had I bet they would have found my stereo (minus the face plate... which I had,) Carseats (seriously... they're the most expensive thing he stole) and a bag of brand new Gymboree clothes.

The worst part is I can't even feel safe with him locked up because as soon as he gets out I know he'll be back here and doing it all over again.

That, with school starting, more work hours, and cold weather has made it a generally lousy week.

My Wish

I turned on the news this morning and heard confirmation that the remains of a child found in Florida last week was indeed that of missing toddler, Caylee Anthony. I haven't really been following the news related to her case, but each time I hear about it, I am sickened. I don't understand what could cause somebody to kill any child, let alone their own. Worst to me, is the fact that her mother felt so little remorse about what she had done that she could carry on with her life, as if nothing had happened. She went about her day to day activities, with no change. There are pictures of her partying, arrests for her passing bad checks, and report upon report of her going out and laughing with friends. How could she do these things as other people searched, hoping to find a child she knew to be dead. It's disgusting, heartbreaking, and why I am glad I do not always stay up to date with the current news.

I've been reading a book called "Notes Left Behind." It's the story of a 6 year old girl, Elena, who was diagnosed with brain cancer and lived only 135 days. In those days she accomplished more things then I could hope to in a lifetime! Her story is one of hope, told through the eyes of her parents. Knowing their child was terminal, they still remained calm. They didn't desperately seek a cure -- they sought peace, and spent the time they had left with their daughter, helping her achieve a lifetimes worth of dreams. Despite this book keeping me in constant tears, I haven't been able to put it down. To read a positive twist on something so bleak is refreshing. I've seen similar stories first hand over the last two years, none that have ended this happy. What a wonderful tribute on her parents part to Elena's life.

It seems strange to me that two situations, with virtually no connection, both sit equally on my mind. Two sets of strangers, at totally opposite ends of the parenting spectrum, have shaped my primary resolution for the coming year. I want to continue spending all of my time that I can with Gracie, but more then that I want to use that time to make sure she knows how special, and loved she is. Gracie means absolutely everything to me and despite longer work hours beginning this year, and more school then ever before, I want to make sure that she is not short changed. I know these next few months especially will be challanging, but I look foward to making more pink baked goods, and attending as many tea parties as Gracie hosts to make sure that she understands that she is what matters.

Christmas Morning

Early Christmas morning as I was arranging presents under the tree I realized John had yet to send anything for Gracie. He mentioned he was planning to, so I assumed he was just running late. Still it bothered me that there would be gifts from Aunts and Uncles, Gemma and Poppy, Santa and Mommy -- but not Daddy. So I wrestled with it all night before pulling a tag off a Mommy gift later in the morning, and changing it to "from Daddy." I felt dishonest doing it -- but have since justified it to myself by saying he does help to support her. I know at this age it's all pretty irrelavent because she is not going to remember who got her what but it's been sitting heavy on my mind. The last thing I ever want to do is lie to my child and that's what I feel like I have done. It's a lose-lose situation, one way or the other I am forced to let her down.

That issue aside though, Christmas was every bit as amazing as I hoped it would be.

When Gracie woke up she ran to check on the cookies she had left for Santa. What she found instead of some half eaten cookies, was a table full of presents. She screamed "wooooah, look Mama" and ran towards the giant Minnie and Mickey Mouse that Santa had left for her. She was clearly filled with excitement. Both for her new toys and the magic of how they got there. It took a few minutes to steer her away from the presents and into the living room where her stocking was. She went through her stocking, had a cup of milk and some toast, then moved back into the dining room to start on presents. The present opening literally took all day, but only because we stopped each time Gracie got overwhelmed. We'd open a few things, take a break to take them out of their packages, then open some more. We also worked a couple of naps, a shopping trip at Walgreens (just to get out), and a family brunch and dinner into the day. We opened our last presents just before bed. I know it doesn't sound like a traditional Christmas, but it worked out well for us! Next year I'm sure Gracie will want to open all of her presents as fast as she can. This year however, I chose to enjoy one last year of her being too little for that.

In retrospect feel like I went overboard on the gifts. I started off with a reasonable amount of things but at the last minute worried it wasn't enough. I knew this was the first Christmas she would know what was happening and wanted it to be exciting and special for her. I think it was but now I hope to tone it down a bit in the future.

We'll see if I ever succeed with that!

(They weren't all hers -- family gifts were mixed in there!)

The Night Before Christmas (Pictures)